i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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