a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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