so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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