I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
