I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
