Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
