is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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