I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
