Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
