I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
