Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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