is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
