the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
