I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
