Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
