just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
