Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
this hospital has no fireball
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
