I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
