Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
