have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
