We're like a lot better than the average bears
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
