he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize