my mouth tastes like poor choices
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
