when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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