I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
