We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize