she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
