I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you win again, gameday.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
