i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize