Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Small penises have feelings too.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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