there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
