God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
