DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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