You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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