I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
