Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
