Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And then my night got REAL pukey
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize