We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
