..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How's work?
Spinning.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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