Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I didn't notice because vodka
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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