True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
