I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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