He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
