I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
