Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
