just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
