If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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