I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
