they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
