I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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