DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
