Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
