i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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