I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
