I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize