I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
