I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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