this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
