A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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