Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
