This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
