I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
