I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
