I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
soo... how was my night?
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