Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize