Don't make out with my wife yet
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
