roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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