currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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